The interwebs can be a very strange and bizarre place. There are some deep recesses of the internet where one may not want to venture. Weird products, crazy conspiracy theories, you name it- it is surely out there on the internet somewhere. Even popular websites like Amazon sell peculiar products. You probably will not stumble across these odd items if you are searching for a New York Time’s bestselling novel on Amazon, but if you look around you may come across some of these bizarre gems that we like to call “the Weirdest Things On Amazon.”
Check out our list of some of the weirdest things on Amazon!
First up, we have these delicious (?) gummy ham legs. Yes, 2.2 lbs of gummy ham legs for only $11.50. According to the info section, these cherry flavored ham legs “are succulent!” Based on appearance alone, we are not so sure. We will have to take the company’s word for it though! These have to be some of the strangest things for sale on Amazon when it comes to food!
Here we have a yodeling pickle for the super low price of $11.87. Entertaining AND it comes with batteries. What a deal! Just press a button and this little pickle will yodel its heart (do pickles have hearts?) out. As if this product isn’t amusing enough on its own, check out some of these hilarious questions, answers, and reviews from Amazon customers.
Question: Does this thing work?
Answer: Mine has held two jobs since I first brought it home. The first was in construction, where it put in about 65 hours a week with no overtime for dirt pay. Eventually my wife and I talked it into going back to school. It graduated last year and applied for an internship at a startup in Silicon Valley. The company just posted it’s second quarter profits and it looks like our yodeling pickle now has a steady job with lots of opportunities for future growth. Best of all, it loves what it does. So yes, it works.
annnnd this hilarious review:
“My twelve year-old niece asked for the Justin Bieber CD for Christmas, so I bought her this yodeling pickle. Nobody so far can tell the difference.”
or this one:
“The yodeling pickle in my house appears to be possessed. Whenever I put it away in the kitchen cupboard it mysteriously appears in the top drawer of my wife’s bedside table.”
Wearing a faux mustache is cool. Wearing a faux mustache that smells like BACON is out of this world awesome. And is extra manly. According to the manufacturer, this fabulous mustache is “the perfect thing to wear while woodworking, fishing or internalizing your emotions.” Best of all, it will only set you back $6.45. Saweeet. Check out this amusing review from an Amazon customer who was determined to give a full summary of the product:
“I have a sensitive nose, so I was a bit worried about the bacon scent. It’s not overpowering, but definitely present. It does get tiresome over time; but again, I have a pretty strong sense of smell.
The adhesive struck well, stayed in place for hours even while sweating, and I suffered no residue or blemishes/acne afterward. The hair is very soft, which was nice. The hairs are not long though, they are very short. If you are looking for a big bushy mustache, this is not the product for you. I preferred the short length because it didn’t get in the way with drinks or food, and was not itchy.”
If you really like to have clean hands, we guess this would be a good gift for you. A little info about this inventive product: “Shittens are disposable, mitten-shaped moist wipes. While old fashioned, square wet wipes put your hands at risk for all kinds of accidental fecal contamination, the genius mitten shape of a Shitten provides not only safety from poop, but on a larger scale, emotional peace of mind.” A 20 count package of Shittens will only cost you $19.49. What a bargain! Check out these helpful and humorous Amazon customer reviews:
“Truly, every day of my life has been an unending struggle with the anguish brought on me by horrendous shitwrist! But now I have the strength to face the day thanks to these amazing poop gloves.”
“For years, I have wandered the Earth in search of a product that would ensure my bum was not just clean, but showcase ready in the event of an unexpected colonoscopy, highway mooning, Saturday afternoon naked floor washing, or a sudden public pantsing. But the solution was elusive, and I was forced to endure the horror of wiping my precious booty with a thin square of wet cotton through which I could see my entire hand – for the love of God my HAND, while my opposable thumb peeked out from beneath to see what was going on, resulting in an unfortunate case of “doody thumb”. From the jungles of Thailand to the ice roads of Siberia, I searched tirelessly, a piece of cotton stuffed between my butt cheeks to keep my twinklestar from being revealed in all its dirty shame. Now, thanks to my new package of Shittens the Magic Poop-erasing Mittens, I can be sure that my fear of wayward dingleberries and poop-swipe tan lines will never become a reality.”
And here we have another delightful item, the Shit ‘N’ Stroke. Are you detecting a theme? Many of the weirdest things on Amazon are bowel and toilet related. Ironic. According to the info section on this product, the Shit ‘N’ Strokes goes “great with Mexican food.” It even comes with a ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign for those “lengthy practice sessions.” This product costs $25.
Just when you thought you’ve already seen the weirdest listings on Amazon, we show you the Unicorn Meat. Don’t worry. This product really only contains a dismembered plush unicorn. Don’t open the can near anyone who loves unicorns.
Check out some of these amusing Amazon reviews:
“Do NOT eat too much of this stuff at once. I had the rainbow runs for a week. The entire complex smelled like hopes and dreams.”
“Don’t order this product if you have a conscience. The unicorns in the industrial unicorn farms live in appalling conditions, in many cases worse than those of the pegasus ranches. Don’t believe the propaganda of Lisa Frank and the other tycoons of big unicorn; all that awaits these poor creatures is the abattoir and the rainbow factory. Be ethical and buy (kosher) dragon meat instead.”
Can you guess what this is? Probably not. It’s a chicken diaper. And it is sold on Amazon. It comes in 3 different patterns and sizes, so it should fit all your chickens from Little Re Re up to Big Bertha. Here’s a little info about these chicken diapers: “With a comfortable fit that slips on easily and snaps securely, our newest diapers let your chickens make a clean getaway from the outdoors.” Be sure to check out this amusing comment from an Amazon customer:
“This sure made it easier to keep the droppings off my kitchen counters. Unfortunately the polka-dot pattern made my rottweiler, Hans, very upset. I am not sure if it was the color or the design. But it was almost impossible to keep Hans away from our beloved hen Purdue. There was some noise in the kitchen, and Purdue was gone for good by the time we got there. We did get enough feathers to stuff a cushion, and the diaper ended up making a nice hat for Mousie the cat.”
“Expect your chicken to walk backwards into walls the first few times you use these as he/she gets used to the straps around their body. Eventually, this gets better as they acclimate. These are great for that special chicken friend that wants to be an indoor pet!”
If you want to resemble Borat, this mankini is perfect for you. It is only $15.95 and it comes in a variety of colors. This fabulous mankini only comes in one size which is a bit of a bummer. However, size doesn’t stop some Amazon customers from sporting this unique look:
“I weigh 350 lbs and I wear it while mowing my yard on my riding mower. It’s great and I get a lot of looks from the neighbors. All I need now is a wig.”
“The actual size of the mankini is built for adults. The space in the “lower region” is built for a 10 year old… girl. I spent an embarrassing amount of time researching a mankini that wouldn’t have my unmentionables spilling out of the sides. No luck.”
So, this is a doll. For children. A really creepy, $99.77 doll for kids to play with. The doll’s name is Carter, and he has movable arms and legs. What is really weird about him is his super freaky creeper eyes. As per usual, Amazon customers add to the amusement of this weird item.
“This has got to be the creepiest doll I’ve ever seen. The description doesn’t tell you that it comes equipped with a butcher knife, I’m sure.”
“Wish I could give this doll less stars. Why, you ask? I bought this doll thinking my nephew would benefit from everyday doll play rather than the violence that many boy toys promote. Instead, this doll used his mind control powers to enslave my nephew and his friends. Even his mother is acting strange. They are constantly sacrificing packages of hot dogs to the doll and now say “Carter” instead of “Bless you.”“
“Does anyone else think this doll looks like a young Mr. Spock? Paste on the pointy ears and redraw his eyebrows with a Sharpie! Then he truly would look demonic, not that he doesn’t already. Who comes up with these creepy looking “dolls”? These should come with a gift certificate for psychotherapy, because I’m sure your kid will need it after he or she stops shaking from night terrors.“
Last but certainly not least, we have Handerpants. The only thing that comes to mind when one thinks of Handerpants is, “why?” According to the product description, “They will absorb sweat, help prevent chafing when using tools and are great for wearing underneath normal gloves. So they are undergloves in a way.” You can get yourself a pair of Handerpants for $11.50! As always, we leave you with the hilarious Amazon reviews:
“Meh. These are ok, but I have “big hands” if you know what I’m sayin’, so I’m hoping for a pouch design that will help alleviate the unsightly palm bulge that has left me more than a little embarrassed on several occasions. Also, I wouldn’t mind seeing a thong design for the warmer months. Nothing’s worse than having a sweaty hand leave obvious streaks across your hand skivvies.”
“I acquired carpal tunnel many years ago during my previous career as a teapot enthusiast (one too many flicks of the wrist for a spout pour has left me debilitated), and I have found minimal relief for those pesky acute painful attacks… until now. I discovered Handerpants while I was meandering through a spa in Las Vegas. I picked these puppies up and immediately began to reap their benefits as soon as I slipped them on. Tight, snug, secure, supportive, and breathable- everything you’d want in briefs, but for your hands (I couldn’t believe it!). My carpal tunnel has been kept at bay in the best way. Thank you, Handerpants!“
“I mean, I always wanted my crotch and my hands to have more in common, now they do!”